Juggling

If I learn nothing else this summer, I am learning how to flirt without being noticed (and hated) by the other girls who like the guy I'm flirting with (at? the guy with whom I am flirting?). The key seems to be in not flirting at all. A negative equals a positive. I just pay attention to Nora, and we do handstands and flips and races in the pool all morning, and then right when I'm getting out of the pool, I grin at Tristan and boom. All my flirting is done for the morning. It's like meeting a quota. Meanwhile Nora and I sit on a towel eating a pre-lunch snack and I watch the other girls push their Chanel sunglasses up like headbands, readjust their boobs when they think nobody's looking, and lean against the lifeguard chair smiling up at Tristan in all his gorgeous glory.

Tristan is fun. After work last night I went to his house. We ate ice cream, fooled around and watched movies. While 30 Days was on we watched Morgan Spurlock and his girlfriend attempt to live on minimum wage for a month. Morgan and his girlfriend complained about being tired, cold, having ants. "That's disgusting. I would never live like that," Tristan said as he touched my boob. As if it's a choice. I mean, it is for them, but for the people who can't pack up and leave after the month ends, it's not.

I got up early this morning to pay bills. Alex sat with me, and manned the calculator while I sorted the bills into order. Most urgent to least. Cable and medical bills go on the bottom. Aunt Elaine is snarfing up all our food, and we have taken to hiding everything we can in our bedroom. Do I spend more money on food or on Combat? We owe $189 for a doctor's visit in March. That's not getting paid this month. Maybe tomorrow I will call them and ask if they can lower the bill. One of the most important things to know is that you can't believe everything you overhear on the trains. But I heard someone say once that doctors will lower what they charge you sometimes if you just ask, and it's true.

Alex asked if she's going to cost less money when she's older. I say more. We have to get Danielle all this stuff for her high school. "But I'll stop growing when I'm bigger," Alex said. Not soon enough though. It's so good we're all girls, we can pass clothes down. The bummer is when they're season specific and can't get worn before they're grown out of. That's why Alex needed to get a brand new bathing suit this year. Danielle's old one fit her in February when she tried it on. Come June it was too tight.

We paid four bills, with Alex putting on the stamps and writing our return address. She thinks paying bills is fun. Without paying cable or that doctor, we have $46 left. We'll have less when school starts. Danielle and I both get lunch for free from our jobs. When I work at the diner I can get dinner free too. Some days between both jobs and free breakfasts I don't eat anything at home. We're still short each month and I can't figure out what I'm doing wrong. On the way out this morning Alex asked Dani what she thought - if she'll cost more or less when she's older. "Let's just say ... don't get your period until you can afford to buy your own tampons," Danielle finally concluded.

Ruined My Streak

Tristan invited me to a party Friday night and it screwed up my write-every-day routine. It was all college kids and I felt weird like it was crashing even though I'd been invited. While we were there, I went to the bathroom and it was huge. Seriously it was the nicest bathroom I've ever seen.

At some point I realized I couldn't remember how many drinks I'd had. Time to leave. We went to a diner and ate breakfast at like 4 in the morning. Got home around 6:30, and Alex woke me up an hour later, saying I smelled like outside.

P.S. Tristan has an iPhone. He let me touch it.

Food - Beyond Cliche

Every day I go and mother's help with Nora. Every day after we spend the morning at the pool she eats lunch in a half hour and then promptly takes a three hour nap. Between swim lessons and napping I feel like I get paid to do very little actual work, but I'm not stupid enough to complain.

I hang out near the pool during swim lessons and chat with cute boys. Cute lifeguard boys. Okay, mainly one cute lifeguard boy in particular. Today he asked me out. Well yesterday he asked me out but today's asking was more important because I said yes.

I didn't want to tell him I have a second job at night so just said there were plans but I could meet him afterwards. Dani had to pick up Alex and I snuck them into the diner and got them dinner. A lot of our friends are not around - everybody goes on vacations in the summer. Everybody except us. Especially on weekends - the city feels empty on weekends. I think Aunt Elaine wants us to go away too - she wants a vacation from us.

Met up with the lifeguard and we went to a late dinner. I felt bad - forgot to ask where we were going and I felt a little underdressed for where we wound up. But I didn't get turned away at the door so I guess it was okay.

Nick was funny - he kept making all these jokes about how stupid Italians are. He is 20 and in college. Not now because it's summer but like, during the year. I didn't do or say anything stupid I think (hope). He said I looked cute. We got a booth and when I slid in Nick slid in next to me. At one point Nick asked me something and while I was answering he slide his arm around my back and was massaging my neck really slowly.

When we were walking out the waitress walked in between us and whispered to me, "He's cute, but a player. Be careful." That player got me a taxi and paid for it to send me all the way home.

Oh yeah, and I ate a salad that had shrimp and other seafood in it, and bread and butter.

Food - Did I Remember To Eat Today?

Breakfast - was running late, lots of problems at home in the morning. I remember thinking about grabbing a handful of blueberries on the way out but somehow that never happened. Now there are no more blueberries and I missed my chance.

Lunch - shitty chicken that was very oily and gross and a fruit salad.

Snack - so hungry, wanted a snack, no time, nothing quick to eat.

Dinner - leftover mac & cheese.

This is like practically my worst eating day this month. I suck at food.

Food - Not Just For Eating

Of all three of us, Danielle is the stealer. She is never afraid to take anything, and so far she's never been caught. Because she steals stuff for living, while I mind because it's illegal and wrong, I kind of also don't mind. Danielle wouldn't steal from someone's house or the mall or anything. Today she bought a couple of packets of Kool Aid, and while normally that's not our kind of thing because it's so gross, Danielle didn't steal it and doesn't plan to drink it.

She wanted to dye her hair with it. There was a fire hydrant loose so we opened it up and used a bucket and now Danielle's hair has a bright red tint. It looks pretty good. She is happy. Alex is jealous.

Food - This is the Longest Month Ever

Plus I don't think anyone really cares what I eat each day since it's never fancy anyway.

Breakfast - free yogurt, nectarine
Lunch - grilled fish, brown rice, veggies
Snack - ice pop
Dinner - salad
Snack - cheerios and milk with blueberries & bananas

Food - I Have No Bigger Title Than That

Brunch - french toast, an orange
Snack - watermelon
Dinner - Fire family night with stuffed shells, lasagna, garlic bread, salad, asparagus, sorbet. I can barely walk.

Food - It's Way Hard To Eat Healthy

Breakfast - two hard-boiled eggs
Second breakfast - cereal & milk, fruit
Snack - italian ices
Dinner - leftover mac & cheese, veggies

Food - Because I'm Tired

The ice cream? From yesterday? You can re-freeze ice cream that's defrosted but it won't freeze back into it's proper shape. It still tastes good though and that's the important thing. And that's my food-related post for today because it's way late and I am tired as I said in the title.

Food - Ice Cream

Every day at the end of camp, Alex is given ice cream. Danielle has said that's what she misses most about camp so today Alex brought an extra home. Of course it melted completely before she got home, but right now it's still in the freezer where she's hoping it will revive itself and be okay to eat tomorrow. Morning. For breakfast.

Food - Not Much

Breakfast - free yogurt and box of cereal
Lunch - fruit smoothie thing
Dinner - I had a headache and went to lay down as soon as I got home from work and didn't eat dinner.

Just woke up. I am sleepy.

Food - The Last Supper

Josh is leaving in the morning for a month-long trip. He took me out to dinner tonight, except that Alex and Aunt Elaine got in a huge fight so they refused to stay home and came out with me.

We dumped them at a pizza place with $10 and promised to be back in two hours. When the three of us got home Aunt Elaine had put the chain on and she wouldn't take it off so we were stuck outside for a long time. Alex got really tired and you could tell she wanted to fall asleep outside. We didn't get inside until like 12:30 in the morning, and then Alex had a total freak out and was crying hysterically for like 20 minutes.

Of course Aunt Elaine was screaming at us to shut up, which totally everything worse and Alex was louder and more upset. Big mess. If in the morning I've been arrested for murder now you'll know why and who did it.

Food - Shrinking Over Dinner

I had shrinking tonight and Craig offered to take the three of us to dinner since Danielle was already at his house and everything.

We sat at a different table and talked. Craig said he is worried about me - that when people respect and care about themselves they take better care and don't do reckless things. Well fuck it. I'm tired of caring about everybody else. Nobody ever cares about me. Nobody ever pays attention to me, or worries about me. So I don't care. I run around and work so hard to make sure everybody has everything they need and nobody appreciates it. Every day I have to listen to people go on and on about their fancy trips and vacations. And when they finally notice me listening and say, "Oh, have you been?" and I shake my head they just say, "Well you should go! You're young!"

How exactly do they expect me to go on any kind of vacation? That's the most ridiculous thing ever. Nobody understands. And the worst part of that is nobody even cares that they don't understand. I hate everybody.

Oh yeah, and I ate potato onion soup and a salad.

Food - Bad Eating

Around 4:30 I realized that again there'd been no food all day. Grabbed some fruit salad. It was like breaking the seal. Once I'd eaten that, I was hungry even though before I hadn't been.

We had fire family dinner tonight so I waited for that to eat more. We had meatballs and spaghetti and real garlic bread. It was so good. They sent us home with a big container of more meatballs. Definitely enough for two dinner's worth. I am so happy.

Food - Self Conscious

I don't know if that's spelled right. Ever since the anon person posted about how I eat it feels weird to list it, like I'm waiting to get shit for my posts.

We went food shopping today and spent $65. I am happy - the stuff we got will totally last through the week. Danielle has decided to hide things that don't need to be refrigerated in our room so Aunt Elaine can't eat them. But, we are paranoid about it attracting roaches so Dani stole a box of those ziplock bags and we're keeping everything in those. Hopefully that will work.

Today was a shitty eating day because I only had one meal. Around 4:30 pm I was leaving to go meet up with friends and kind of thought a snack was in order to eat on the way but didn't stop in the kitchen. Big mistake because between the heat and not having drank anything or eaten I almost passed out on the bus. It got all sweaty and I didn't feel right and almost asked the bus driver to just pull over so I wouldn't throw up on the floor. But then a stop came up, a seat opened up and I grabbed it and felt better. When I met up with Heather the first thing we did was go to a pizza place and flirt enough to get free slices and then I was fine.

When I got home there was a note on my pillow from Alex to look in this bag. So I look and there's all this fancy clothing. Like North Face and shit. Excellent. Except then I looked at the sizes and it's all children's extra small and small. That's for like a six year old or something! Al is 10.

I am too tired now but in the morning we need to go through the bag in the light and check all the sizes just to make sure. Maybe we can sell the fancy brand stuff.

Food - Eating It

Breakfast: Free strawberry yogurt
Lunch: I can't remember. There was so much going on today with Lizzie maybe I skipped it?
Dinner: Went out with Josh and Charlie. Chicken parm, pasta, spinach.

Alex cleaned out the refrigerator today and it looks so depressing. Half loaf of bread, a little mozzarella cheese, and applesauce. The freezer is way less depressing though and we're going food shopping tomorrow so it's okay.

I Have No Words

I love my friends. They are so sweet to call in order to keep me in the loop even though I don't have texting. But I almost wish I didn't know.

Last night my friend Lizzie went out drinking with her boyfriend. They got back to her house at like 4am and she wanted to go to sleep. He did not. They fought over it and he choked her. Like she has bruises and almost threw up and she screamed and called 911 and everything.

The police arrested him, and his parents came to pick him up. Today Lizzie is really sad and mostly sad that now that he left like that she doesn't think he'll ever talk to her again.

She keeps saying "this was just one event, not a pattern." I say she is cuckoopants. Who the hell wants to see if an event like that WILL turn into a pattern?

We are all arguing about it. Jackie says she totally sees both sides. Liza says it's not as black and white as it seems. That people drink, get in crazy fights, do stupid things. Both people can be at fault and both people can be the victim.

I don't know. I've drank too much. I've danced on my share of tables. I've stumbled down the street doing the walk of shame. I've fought with Josh. But any time I've beat the shit out of somebody it's been like, a totally sober decision.

Today is not a shrinking day but I may go pick Dani up from mother's helpering so I can talk to Craig about this.

Food - Slim Pickings

Thank you to the anon person who found us free breakfast and lunch. We can't do the lunches because none of the three of us are around for it. Alex is on Long Island for camp so she has to pack a lunch to take with her. But Danielle and I went yesterday to look into the breakfast.

Part of why we are always low on money is because we are really picky about the food we eat. Stuff like organic eggs, rBST-free milk, as much locally grown food as we can find, healthy meat that comes from animals that don't get hormones, all that. My mom was very into this stuff. She used to have Topher watch us so she could go to talks on how to shop healthily and read ingredients and stuff.

Aunt Elaine thinks we're totally retarded. She is always saying beggars can't be choosers. Fuck her though. This is important to us.

Anyway, we found out the company that supplies the milk. But we are having trouble figuring out how the cows they get the milk from are fed. So for now we're just taking the yogurt because that's okay. It's not great, but it's good enough. Still working on finding out where the fruit is from.

This is why adults suck. Why aren't kids allowed to give a shit about the food they eat? I mean, if I'm living at so much of a disadvantage to begin with, shouldn't I be doing everything I can to be as healthy as possible, whenever I can? Because the attitude I get from grownups is, "Shut up and go eat your free cheetos. They're FREE."

Fuck that. I get to eat high quality food too.

Food - An Idea

How cool would it be if I were really rich and famous and like went to all these fancy restaurants and gallery openings and cocktail hours and stuff, and instead of writing "I ate a turkey sandwich standing in Wendy's kitchen while Nora napped" I could write, "While at the Whitney, I shared creme brulee with Ryan Seacrest, who was fresh from an interview with everyone's favorite teenage whore, Miley Cyrus."

Breakfast - half a toasted bagel with peanut butter, plum
Lunch - salad
Dinner - mac & cheese, celery and carrot sticks

I'm hungry.

Food - What I Ate Tuesday

Breakfast - plum and strawberries, hard boiled egg, shared waffle with Dani
Lunch - turkey sandwich with tomato and sprouts, milk
Snack - fruit salad
Dinner - chicken, veggies, rice
Snack - pretzels

Food - This Is Too Easy

Watch now I'll forget to post tomorrow and screw up now that I said that.

Today was the first day of nannying and working at the diner. Do you know what that means? Lunch and dinner for free, bitches! Like Applebees, I'm eating good in the neighborhood!

Breakfast - orange juice, fruit salad and half a bagel with peanut butter
Lunch - courtesy of Nora's mom, my old teacher - salmon and rice and veggies and iced tea
Snack - ice cream with strawberries
Dinner - meatballs and pasta and garlic bread and salad
Dessert - pineapple

Today was a good food day for sure. Mondays are always good food days at home but it's even easier when I'm working. Even with the EBT card, for four people, one of whom who is like, an eating machine, it is not enough. On one hand, when we're all home, Aunt Elaine can't get away with eating all the food because we're there and we'll see it. But if we're all home that means we're eating all the meals at home too.

Now that everyone's summer stuff has started, the only one of us eating all three meals at home is Alex. I mean, she eats lunch at camp but she has to bring it from home. But Danielle and I have lunch paid for and if I'm working I can eat dinner at the diner.

The only bad thing about eating at the diner is that it's not healthy. None of the food is organic at all. Portions are retardedly huge, everything is cooked with tons of butter. Maybe I should get a job at Trader Joes. I wonder if employees get discounts.

Food - Sunday Eats

Brunch: french toast, fruit salad
Dinner: bowl of cereal

Not my most nutritious day. I just sat here for like six minutes trying to come up with an excuse for why I ate so crappily but really there just is none. With all of us eating lunches from home and Danielle and I being home so much last week we went through more food than usual. Dani starts her mother's helpering job for Craig tomorrow and I will be also working a lot more. This should help us eat better.

Food - Todays Eats

Breakfast: bagel with creamcheese and lox
Lunch: pizza, garlic knots, italian ices
Snack: cherries
Dinner: seafood salad, veggies, bread

Exhausted. Tomorrow I'm not doing anything. Except napping. And going to a brunch. And a movie. And a fire family dinner. And maybe laundry.

Food - 4th of July Stuffage

Breakfast - plum and peach
Lunch - glass of orange juice, slice of toast

BBQ #1 - We were invited to a fire family's bbq and they offered to take us to see fireworks afterwards. Alex and Danielle are going to that - I left to go to Josh's. At that BBQ I ate:

- watermelon
- fruit salad
- half a bottle of beer
- hebrew national hot dog
- handful of pretzels
- more watermelon
- fruit salad
- strawberry lemonade

Now I am at Josh's house for BBQ #2. So far I have had:

- some yummy bbq'd chicken
- bacon-wrapped shrimp
- bacon-wrapped scallops
- LI iced tea

It's only 7:30. There will be a lot more. But later because right now I am so full I could burst.

Food - Because You Care What I Ate

Breakfast - orange juice, handful of M&Ms
Lunch - Oatmeal and banana
Dinner - handful of almonds, some french fries

I'm finally home now and starving but with all three of us eating lunches from home there is a mild food shortage. So I'm going to go to sleep to ignore being hungry and then eat a good breakfast tomorrow.

Why Is This Your Race?

Dear Person reading my blog from United Cable Company of Florida,

I was just looking at my stats and you and the person from Time Warner are neck and neck, and have been for quite some time. But this Time Warner kid seems to be taking the lead lately. Figured you might like to know since you look at my blog more often than anyone else in the world. Including me. I don't really understand why you two are racing each other, and why my blog is where you choose to race. There are tons of things I don't understand though, so we'll just add this one to the list.

Thank you for reading my blog by the way. I've never been to Florida. Word on the street is there are pink buildings in Miami - I think that'd be fun to see. While I'm there it would be great to hit up Seaworld (I heart dolphins) and Key West (I heart gays too). My boobs aren't big enough yet to get me into Miami, but maybe when I'm older.

Don't forget to reapply your sunscreen,
Sam

Food - Again What I Ate

Hey when something works, stick with it, right?

Breakfast - White peach, cereal and milk
Lunch - hard-boiled egg, half a tomato
Snack - cantaloupe
Dinner - salad, slice of meatloaf (at work)

Food - What I Ate

Breakfast: hard boiled egg, toast with peanut butter
Lunch: half a roastbeef sandwich, two plums
Snack: apple
Dinner: salad
Snack: oatmeal raisin cookie

This is what my blog will look like for the rest of the entire month.

Hustle and Flow

(not the movie)

I applied for a slew of other jobs because I need more money. One of the places offered me a job, but then Alex pointed out it's exactly the corner store kind of place that gets held up. Now I am waiting and hoping one of the other places will offer me a job.

Alex's camp started today. This is the first time she had to go by herself, so far away. Danielle's shrink pushed and pushed and finally Aunt Elaine agreed to get her a cell phone, so today we lent Alex mine and Dani and I shared hers.

She only called us three times. Alex has been warned she needs to be comfortable by next week going to camp by herself, because Danielle wants her phone back this weekend.

Growing pains can't really be contagious right? Danielle was hurting so much through the night that it woke her up crying and then all morning I had it. I didn't cry, but it was really, really close. Shit, I hope I don't outgrow all my jeans.

So that's what's going on now.