Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Palle di ferro

Joe is a little mentally unstable. To put it lightly. I'm not really into psychology so don't know what's wrong with him, other than having some sort of like, misguided sense of himself and his place in the world. I stopped talking to him before last semester ended. It seemed like talking with Joe fueled ... something. Something that wasn't healthy.

I'm not one of those people who wants nothing to do with anyone who has any sort of problems or baggage. Jackie used to have a raging drug problem. My baggage weighs a metric shit ton. The distinction is knowing what your problems are, admitting they are there, and working to deal with them.

It's clear Joe means well. He genuinely thinks he's a nice guy. I bet he has no idea he's immature. He can be really funny. It's just that he can also be really insulting, and won't listen when someone tells him, "hey, your funny joke offended the hell out of me." Joe's logic that HE knows he doesn't mean anything bad about what he said is not good enough, but he refuses to believe that. Joe refuses to be open to the idea that communicating means taking into account talking with another person. Beyond frustrating.

Joe has been emailing me maybe every two weeks or so. Then today, I got another one. "been kinda worrying about you for a while now. is there a particular reason why you haven't said anything in so long? can't even remember if we had some sort of fight or whatever."

 Really? Really?!?! Okay, I'll spell it out for you: I haven't said anything to you in so long because you are fucking delusional and have no sense of where you stand with people! Never mind that I'm not interested in you because I'm in a committed relationship. Never mind that your bragging about the poetry you write to and about girls or love to be sleazy. No, the main problem is you do not respect boundaries. You don't respect social boundaries or verbal ones.

In the past I hadn't shown Josh the emails Joe was sending.  I showed him this one though, after I explained all the interactions Joe and I have had. Josh was not impressed. I have never been the kind of person to have anyone else fight my battles for me, but when Josh asked if I want him to come to campus to have a talk with Joe, it was really tempting to say yes. Maybe he'd listen to a guy over a girl.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

I'm no psychologist but I wouldn't be surprised if Joe falls somewhere on the high-functioning end of the autism spectrum. I've known a number of adults who just seem to have a deficit in their ability to see/hear other people and their emotions.

Whatever you decide to do in response to Joe, just be careful. I wonder what Josh would say to Joe? As you've indicated, he's potentially going to respond unpredictably to any communication. You should continue to handle him with kid-gloves. You're not going to be able to change the way he sees and reacts to the world around him, your aim is to dampen his volatility and interest in you.

Good luck. This is a tricky situation.

Karen said...

You might also consider talking to the college administration about Joe. It is sad that he's so socially hampered, but it may be that he's mentally ill, or developing a mental illness, and even though he's an adult he may not be able to help himself. He may need external pressure to make whatever adjustments are necessary for him to continue in the classroom.

Nina said...

I think what Karen is saying makes a lot of sense. Maybe you do need to talk to somebody on campus about it.

I'm so sorry you have to deal with this - it sounds like a really difficult situation.

Yankee, Transferred said...

You can start with Josh, if you think that would help, but if not I would definitely tell him you're going to school administration, and then go. No need to be hassled.