Thursday, February 3, 2011

The thing

The thing is, Joe had already been told to back off. He knew I had a boyfriend. He knew I wasn't interested in being friends.

The thing is, maybe when you're in a suburban elementary school if a big scary fourth grader keeps pushing you when you're in the lunchline, the appropriate thing is to talk to your mom, your teacher, and the principal. Where I live though, you handle problems with other kids yourself. You only go to school officials when there's a problem with teachers.

The thing is, I don't have faith in "proper channels." Too many times I've read of people found dead with restraining orders in their pocket. A restraining order doesn't mean anything. Well, except that you've shown fear. Joe didn't do anything illegal, he's just a prick. Sometimes the best defense really is a good offense.

The thing is, I thought Josh really would just talk with Joe. I didn't know he was going to bring friends. Deep down, I'm kind of a fighter. I'm scrappy and have that fighter mentality. Josh doesn't, and it didn't occur to me he'd be scared and decide to bring backup.

The thing is, Joe didn't get beat up. When I met up with Josh and his friends after, I looked at them. None of them had blood on their shoes, knees or hands - the three places you get blood when you've fought someone. None of them were high off that rush you get after being in a fight. Joe's fine, and if I'm right, in his eyes the power has shifted from him to me which will get him to back off.

The thing is, we can agree to disagree. He's way too macho to ever tell anyone that he's intimidated by a girl, or that he was thrown to his knees by three preppy boys. If I'd gone to campus police they would have said there was nothing I could do, since Joe is just annoying and immature. I stand by what I did. I'd do it again.


Lara said...

I don't usually agree with fighting, but I do know that only you can know what is necessary. And you have a list of very valid "things" that you pointed out.

So a pat on the back for doing what needed to be done to solve the situation, and here's hoping that Joe has learned a lesson that was long overdue.

Lil'Sis said...

I'm glad you stood up for yourself, glad Josh was there to back you up and hopeful Joe won't go to extremes when/if he catches you by yourself, because he's a's not easy what you did, he obviously needed to hear it.

Anonymous said...

It doesn't seem to me that Joe is the only one involved here who is immature.

Anonymous said...

Maybe where you live people handle problems themselves. Where I live there's school shootings.

Good luck with this one. It's always the socially awkward kids that go crazy, and I hope this wasn't the tipping point for him.

Anonymous said...

Anon 1 - there is a big difference between someone being an immature person like joe is, and handling one situation in not the most mature way.
i think we can call agree that overall sam is pretty mature.

Anonymous said...

oh boy ~ I commented on the last post & feel compelled to comment again. For whatever reason.

I live in Alaska (& NO I am not a Palin fan ~ she's a wacko) & that's why I posed the comment about him getting a gun to protect himself. If you think guns are easily accessible in NY you haven't seen nothing!!

I understand you're in NY so guns are easily accessible but he does sound like a bit of a wing nut & I'm concerned about you protecting yourself.

Violence leads to more violence. If he's mentally ill he needs compassion. You & Josh are young & it doesn't sound like you know how to access the system to protect yourself & get help for another student. Please don't bully him...please.

I think you are wise beyond your years in a "normal" way because you had a wonderful family/Mother who gave you a good foundation. That may be what is appealing to Joe. You seem so beautiful & normal. I know you were probably fed up with him but please be gentle & don't promote are too smart for that. There are other ways to distract him...maybe introduce him to someone who is is kindred spirit?

I enjoy posts & feel privileged that you allow "us" to visit with you. My comments only come from a good place & with well wishes for you & your family.

Take care. Blessings to you & yours. T

Sam said...

Alaska lady, that was really beautiful. thank you.

Yankee, Transferred said...

Speechless. Nice job, Alaska Lady.

Anonymous said...

The thing is—you’re right. Been there, done that. Was in a violent relationship, had a gun pointed at my back. What works is to meet violence with resolute resistance—backed up by whatever it takes. This is how bullies get away with their shit—using your fear and/or good training against you. Not everyone is a “crazy” and fear is absolutely no way to live. It is an evil all its own and a truly disgusting emotion. Till you’ve “walked a mile,” no one else has a say in this. You’re wise beyond your years and I’m sure you sometimes get good and sick of always being mature, in charge, and the primary decision maker. Go with your gut. You haven’t been wrong so far. No matter how old we are, we always have our moments of wanting to be mothered again, but our mom’s are always there for us in our hearts. You conquered your own fight-it-out reactions, but that doesn’t mean you must placate and give in. Your strength is amazing. I am very grateful you choose to share your life on your blog. It has opened my mind and helped me understand so much. –A 66 year old grandma who is against violence in ALL its forms

Nina said...

I know that you were in a truly difficult and unnerving situation, and I know you've dealt with it in the best way you could. I was/am concerned, but I don't think I can say anything that hasn't been said already by others. I just want to say thank you, for writing about and sharing your life with us. I know that isn't always easy. I'm a stranger to you, but I care and I think you're an amazing person. You've taught me a lot.

Mizasiwa said...

I have gotten my sister to read your blog too now she is a year or two younger than you...your spirit is amazing and I am in awe of you. I hope the scary comenters havnt chased you away becouse I think a lot of us are learning so much from you!