Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Communication with the crazy

This weekend I told Josh that yes, definitely a guy was needed. There is an aspect of machismo Joe has that requires a man to get involved in order for him to (possibly) listen. He will claim he's not, but he's misogynistic. Of course I think a girl can do anything, but I'd be an idiot to go buy a car without bringing a guy along.

So Josh cut out of school early and came to my campus at the end of my last class that Joe's in. He waited for me to come out. With a couple of his bigger friends. Joe walked out before me, and stood outside. When I walked out I marched right past Joe, and he followed me.

After I'd moved away from the majority of other people, I turned around to face Joe. "I do not want anything to do with you. Stop emailing me, stop talking to me, stop trying to get my attention in our classes. When you don't stop, you are harassing me."

He blinked a couple of times and smiled. "Why would you say that? Sam, what'd I do?" I shook my head. "We're not going to discuss it. These are my boundaries, you need to respect them. Stop trying to interact with me." I watched Josh and his friends fan out behind Joe.

Joe opened his hands. "I don't understand. Can we just talk about this?" Josh shoved Joe forward, and I stepped out of the way so he didn't crash into me. He and his friends followed Joe, who managed not to fall down. Josh told Joe he needed to listen to me, and if necessary he would help him listen. Joe looked absolutely shocked and behind that, terrified. He even glanced at me to help him.

I shrugged. "You wouldn't listen to me." Joe kind of shrieked. "So you're having your friends beat me up?" I shook my head. "I'm not having anyone do anything." I walked away. As I turned the corner I looked back, and saw one of Josh's friends sweep Joe and he went down in the snow face first. I kept walking.

At the Starbucks two blocks away I waited for Josh and his friends. I asked if they broke any bones. They claimed they hadn't, but they're all .... well, I wouldn't be surprised if this was their first fight. The types of fights they're used to involve threatening lawsuits. I probably fight better than they do. Hopefully Joe will take the hint and back off finally.


Yankee, Transferred said...

Holy Moly! Good for you for making clear, concise statements about boundaries. I'm sorry it came to needing reinforcements. If he doesn't listen, I'm sure you'll follow up with the school administration. This guy is a total nut case.

Lil'Sis said...

holy moly is right

Becky said...

Joe does seem a little crazy, but not in a way that seems necessary to resort to physical violence. A bit extreme in my opinion. And...well, childish actually.

Anonymous said...

Yikes!! Seriously? Perhaps talking with the campus police & having them intervene with Joe?

I hope he doesn't have access to a gun and decide he needs to protect himself from Josh & his posse .... :( Scary!

Anonymous said...

Anon, it's new york city - of COURSE he has access to a gun! everyone who lives there has access to buying a gun.

becky some people respond better to force than to words. maybe you come from a prissy land where people use "I" statements to talk about their problems before hugging it out. but sam comes from the projects where people routinely get jumped. nobody beat joe up. maybe this is what he needed to realize sam was serious when she told him she wanted to be left alone.

Anonymous said...

I'm disappointed at how you chose to deal with this. Did they actually push him or hit him?

Mainly, I fear that now Joe has grounds to take this issues up with school administration. (or worse, escalate the violence if he's so unstable) From his perspective, if he didn't believe he was harrassing you and you never went to administration to file a compaint, it certainly makes you look like the aggressor. Good luck.

Anonymous said...

I cringed a bit when I read this. I agree with the last poster. Violence causes more violence. I hope that doesn't happen here.

Alisha said...

I'm sorry, but I agree with the last two commenters. When you said you might call in Josh as a reinforcement, I thought you meant just to show Joe that you're in a committed relationship with someone who cares about you, and to add some macho guy-talk to the conversation. A show of power/control is very different from actually exerting force. Until you see exactly how Joe reacts to this, make sure not to leave yourself in any alone or vulnerable positions in or around campus!

Becky said...

Oh seriously. I had to roll my eyes at the anon who brought up that Sam is from the projects where people get beat up. Mmmmkay. That's a good justification. I didn't say they need to "hug it out" but there were plenty of other ways to deal with this creeper than have a bunch of guys beat him up. It's just lame. And not a smart choice given that this Joe guy doesn't seem so stable in the first place.