Thursday, June 9, 2011

More, more MORE

Today I met up with Kelly, and she gave me a really nice compliment - that I am the most driven person she knows. The funny thing is I don't feel driven at all, just like I chug along each day and every so often look to make sure I'm still on track.  I invited her over for dinner and she was like, "You are the only kid I know who (she made air quotes here) entertains like a grownup." That was not a compliment. But you know, if you're making dinner for three people and a boy (so that's like six people) it's not that hard to add one more person to the meal. And plus it's cheap.Way cheaper than going out to eat.

At one point we were talking about friends and I confessed to not really having many. Just my sisters and Josh for the most part. Kelly gave me a big speech about not ditching my friends for my boyfriend, that she did that and then it turned out her boyfriend was snorting Ritalin and he was always saying he was going to kill himself if she left him alone to hang out with other people.

Josh has barely ever taken a Tylenol since I've known him - he's definitely not snorting Ritalin or anything, but I see Kelly's point. She's right. When I'm in bed at night I make all kinds of grand plans. Going to sleep before midnight. Doing something fun once a week. Okay, once a month. Meeting up with a friend once a week. I suck at these goals. Bed before midnight? Never happens unless I'm sick. A friend once a week could be the fun once a week, if I ever did it.

Later, in the kitchen, Kelly grabbed both my hands and like, begged me, "You have to nurture your soul!" She meant it so seriously that I wanted to giggle. After Kelly left I nurtured my toenails by polishing them.


Kizz said...

Kelly's not wrong. Maybe you just need it to be phrased differently. My favorite is, "Put your own oxygen mask on first" like in the safety message on an airplane. In the event of a drop in pressure you have to put your own oxygen mask on before you help anyone else put theirs on because if you pass out you're no good to anyone. It applies to your soul, your state of mind, your love of life as well. And you know how you changed "do something fun once a week" to once a month in a heartbeat? That's bad for your soul, it says you're devaluing yourself. Don't do it, my friend! Do something fun once a week even if it's going home 15 minutes later because you sat on a bench in the park and read something fun. Or painting your toenails. Or going out for an ice cream. Anything that you enjoy but aren't driven to do. You can do this! You deserve it.

Mizasiwa said...

Hey - just a quick one - i have these kinds of thoughts all the time, i dont have many close friends either - I used to have a whole group but they slowly got lost in the daily hum drum of life, and moving to another area.
My family are my best friends, and I spend all my spare time with them I get really sad that im not the first person anyone calls to invite over - in fact I havnt been invited anywere in more than i can remember I invite but they always have excuses. Im learning to apreciate the fact that its ok for my family to be my best friend and im trying to spend time with me - soemthing I dont do EVER Maybe thats how you should 'feed your soul'?? Life is busy for you right now and your priorities are different from most people your age - remember that doesnt make them wrong!

Anonymous said...

Making sure to do something fun once a week is a great idea! Maybe you can commit to doing it just for the summer? Schedule it like you would any other priority, not just fit it in if you can?

Having friends is a good thing, but you are lucky to be so close with your sisters and also to have Josh. Strained relationships with family can be painful! It's not one over the other, but since you have friendships you can cultivate further and you express feeling lacking in the friends department, and you do seem to enjoy spending time with friends when you do do so, make a plan for the summer to meet up with friends. Just remember that not having many friends is not shameful or anything; having a few close and dear friends is to be valued. The luckiest people are those who have good relationships in all three areas: family, close friends, and someone with whom to build a life.

You can decide that at least once or twice a month your fun weekly thing is with a friend. It might be nice while Dani is away for your fun thing to be with Alex at least once a month. And since Josh will be away often too, and since you and he both like it when you two get to do something together that's not just regular at-home or everyday stuff, some fun weekly things can be with Josh. Josh will probably like it if you come up with something fun to do together, show him you want to make a point of spending time with him like that, and doing something special is different from ditching friends to spend all your time with him or whatever.

Of course, doing some fun things just by yourself might be a breath of fresh air for you.

The inviting people to dinner thing is smart! It's such an easy way to be social. Not only are you making dinner anyway, as you point out, but also you can just invite people over all the time and if it doesn't go anywhere it's not like you made a huge investment in money or time. And it's easy, you can always go to it as an idea, whether you meet someone new or you want to reconnect with a friend or whatever. Yes, for most "kids" your age, it is a little of a "grownup" thing, but not by much, it's just that you have a nice household and most others your age don't yet, so you have a head start. Seems most of your friends like coming over to your home for dinner, too, perhaps as a break from their more typical undergraduate lives or their home life with their parents.

You've tried a lot to get to bed by midnight. It looks like it's not going to happen. But you don't want to get sick! How about committing to 1:00 for two weeks and see how that goes? What are you usually doing at midnight these days? What do you do after finishing that but before you get to bed? Maybe aim to wind things up and start doing the final getting ready for the next day and for bed things around midnight so that you can be in bed by 1:00? If that makes sense.

It's good that you realize you want to do these things and that it could be good for you to do them. Don't stress out about not doping them, just figure out how to do them in a way that works for you. The dinner things is smart. So is polishing your toenails. Kelly might be a little dramatic, but it's good she's got you thinking of all these ways to take care of yourself.

Yankee, Transferred said...

Sleep, friends, and fun: all good goals. Your life is by nature very different from that of most young women your age. It was thrown into a different reality when you were a child. It is important to take care of yourself. I'd start with the midnight goal. Every body and brain needs rest. How about a movie once a month? They're not outrageously expensive, especially if you eat before you go. Kelly sounds like a good friend. Maybe you and she could have a standing evening together, and find cheap ways to hang out. It could be a fun project-finding free things to do in the city. Just a thought.