Yesterday while Josh's parents were here, Laurie was talking to me about next year. She asked if I had thought about branching out fashion-wise once I graduated from school.
Now, I love Laurie. She has done so much for us, and it's way more than most parents of the boyfriend do, for sure. So many times when one of us was sick Laurie would scoop us up, take us to her house, and ply us with soup and Teen Vogue. And that's like, the least she's done. I know that. Plus I know she has all these issues with her own daughter and there are a lot of hurt feelings surrounding that, and then my sisters are like, sopping up whatever attention she lavishes on them.
But this pissed me off. I have made sure to dress appropriately for every single event she's either invited me to or set up for me, directly or indirectly. Yesterday was I in a black t-shirt, jeans, a ponytail and barefoot? Yes, but it was Sunday morning in my house. I know for a fact that Arnie has had to send people home for being dressed wrong. Other people, not me.
It just made me feel like shit. Like this is Laurie's entire goal for her son - to be dating a girl who wears more color. Honestly it made me want to wear even more black - to show on the outside how I feel on the inside.
Now, I love Laurie. She has done so much for us, and it's way more than most parents of the boyfriend do, for sure. So many times when one of us was sick Laurie would scoop us up, take us to her house, and ply us with soup and Teen Vogue. And that's like, the least she's done. I know that. Plus I know she has all these issues with her own daughter and there are a lot of hurt feelings surrounding that, and then my sisters are like, sopping up whatever attention she lavishes on them.
But this pissed me off. I have made sure to dress appropriately for every single event she's either invited me to or set up for me, directly or indirectly. Yesterday was I in a black t-shirt, jeans, a ponytail and barefoot? Yes, but it was Sunday morning in my house. I know for a fact that Arnie has had to send people home for being dressed wrong. Other people, not me.
It just made me feel like shit. Like this is Laurie's entire goal for her son - to be dating a girl who wears more color. Honestly it made me want to wear even more black - to show on the outside how I feel on the inside.
6 comments:
I think u may be being overly sensitive. It sounds to me like laurie is trying to make conversation - she like Alex likes clothes right? And by asking to see D's room she is showing her that she is interested in this change ... If she has problems with her daughter she may still feel akward starting conversations or something like that since her heart is always in the right place
I agree with the first commenter. This sounds like your issue, not hers. But that's no reason to feel bad or guilty. Maybe it is an opportunity to have a heart to heart with Laurie and explain how her innocent remarks sit with you. You could explain that you are working hard to do right by her and her son and always working hard to "fit in" in environments you are unfamiliar with from your childhood and that things she says in conversation sometimes make you feel she's saying you don't measure up. If I were her, this information would be useful. If you have the type of relationship where you can say such things to her. Just my 2 cents.
21 rephoitanother side to this is that, as a mother, this is something I enjoy doing with my daughter, it's a conversation not a judgement. It's just like playing dress up for me, my daughter is my " toy" for lack of a better word and I enjoy buying things and the time spent trying things on is fun. Try to see it in that light.
I agree with other commenters but my first thought upon reading the exchange was, "Well, you wanted a real life mother-daughter experience and now you got one!" Clothes aren't my mom's thing exactly but food, the way my dog acts, how I interact with neighbors...all of it. She's just making conversation sometimes and other times she's just trying to help me but it drives me up a fucking wall.
Not having been there and also not being privy to all sides of your relationship with Laurie, I wouldn't jump to saying your being over-sensitive. But I would say that you should take the opportunity to gently tell her how that comment makes you feel. It seems like she's well-intentioned and, well, it's true...mothers are all up in their daughters fashion business. I know she's not your mother, but I'm sure to *some* extent she imagines herself to fill at least *some* sort of motherly-like roll for you three. My mom was constantly "encouraging" me to dress/do my hair/makeup differently all through my teens and twenties. It made me mad too - like, seriously, I try so hard to be everything you want me to be and you're going to get on my case about THIS? But she didn't mean it like that. She just couldn't help it.
It's also possible that behind this question was a very big chunk of implicit approval. She's wondering if you're thinking of branching out beyond what she's seen you do already. My daughter has done stuff that I've never gotten close to accomplishing, and it's with admiring fascination that I ask her about what she'll be doing next. Something like that could well be happening here. I don't know you apart from your blog, but I surely admire what I know about you; she knows you personally, and likely finds a whole bunch more to appreciate.
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