Friday, February 1, 2013

You almost need a flow chart to keep track

Me and my sisters are still not good. I'm mad at Alex for being mad at me and Dani for questioning me. Alex is mad at me for making us all leave Aunt Elaine's and at Dani for not being mad enough at me in solidarity with her. Dani is mad at Alex for putting her in the middle. Josh is mad at all of us for making it all so awkward for him.

But not so much at me. Mostly at Alex. Alex is so shocked and offended at him for picking a side that she is now all Angry Spice at Josh. Which he confessed to me amuses him because she's always so cute and bubbly.

Josh also told me he's not a fan of this dynamic and it needs to change soon, but meantime, he refuses to spend the weekend with us. Which is how I came to be going on vacation again, two weekends a row. This time I am doing what Josh wants, so we are going snowboarding.


Anonymous said...

Alex and Dani need to look at this from your point of view. You were a teenager trying to keep you three together so you would be split up by social services. You have worked your tail off to keep you all fed and dressed. I get that they are going through the normal teenage angst, but they need to suck it up and realize that you worked very hard to have what you have.

Nina said...

I agree. I'm all for understanding where they are coming from (which I've said in other comments), but they have got to get on board with the idea that you did the best you could with what you had. Like anon said, you were a teenager for god sakes. Can they really say that they would have liked to have been the one in charge, who had to go out and work full time, feed and clothe and shelter and basically raise 2 children when still a child themselves?

Alex needs to go to therapy. And I'm not saying that flippantly. If she is upset because you left Aunt Elaine's - if she is so needy for affection that she would readily choose to live with that woman...she needs to talk this through with someone.

Anyway, glad you're getting away. Glad Josh has taken your side (though it's hard for me to believe that there's any other side to take!) and hopefully Dani and Alex will come around. You may not be perfect, Sam, but you're still pretty damn awesome, and Alex and Dani should know that.

Vinny said...

I wasn't there, but to hear you describe it, leaving Aunt Elaine was the only choice you had. I suspect the anxiety comes from the thought that everyone is growing up and moving on and Aunt Elaine was the last anchor point for the family. You don't have a family home, neighborhood, or even community that she feels part of. It's ok for her to feel that way, but she needs to stop blaming you, who at the time was a 16 yr old making decisions that would crush a 30 year old. You could have run for your life, which would have been easy. You made the difficult choice to join a family you barely knew and take your sisters with you. A calculated risk that paid off in huge opportunities for you all.

It's easy to 'Monday Morning Quarterback' but the truth is its over. She's old enough now. If she wants to go visit and see how things are, why not? I suspect it will get old very quickly. My dad and I split when I was 18. We connected again 18 years later on my terms. If she's feeling ready to explore it, there is no loss to you. What's the worse that could happen? She gets her relationship with Aunt Elaine. Or she sees you made the best choice and you move on. Sometimes people need to see the options to fully appreciate your decisions.

Oh, and she really needs counseling. You hated shrinking but there were a lot of times it helped you. Her school has a psychologist. She should see him/her.

Anonymous said...

What Vinny says makes lots of sense.