Tuesday, May 14, 2013

Smackdown, rich-people style

Turns out Alex wasn't ignoring us all of last night. Today Danielle told me in secret that Alex asked Laurie if she could live with them for the summer, and Laurie laughed at her. "Not with that behavior," and walked off.

I forget, what did I want to tell you, Al? Oh yeah.

In. Your. FACE.


Shannon said...

I am sad to say that I am going to have to stop reading your blog after really enjoying it and cheering for you for a few years. The thread on Alex is deeply disturbing. While I have no doubt that she is being a bratty teenager, the way the supposed adults are acting towards her is inexcusable. You should all be ashamed of yourselves, and I'm sure your mom is very sad, wherever she may be right now. Is it any wonder that Laurie has no relationship with her daughter? Is it really impossible for you to see where Alex might be coming from? Good luck to you all.

Anonymous said...

I'm a bit disappointed with Shannon's comments, a bit too preachy and judgmental for my liking
I love that you take care of Alex and Danni and yourself and that you don't molly coddle them too much. I also love that you tell us all the truth even when it isn't all rainbows. Life is hard and sometimes we make mistakes. While I'm sure you don't want Alex to go back to the nightmare of Aunty Elaine's ,it's also great that Laurie isn't rewarding Alex's behavior or getting in the middle. Good luck with it all, from the mother of a previously angsty teenager I can tell you it really does get better.
Kind Regards

Anonymous said...

I agree with Shannon. But I'm hopeful that you're behaving better than the side of you we are seeing on the blog right now. Alex lost her mother, too. If you're entitled to feel angry about that and recognize that your anger can often be misplaced, why don't you understand that Alex is entitled to that sometimes, too? How about some compassion?

Anonymous said...

So Alex lost her mother too. Why does she get a free pass to act like a brat? I still think the best thing is for Alex to be in charge of herself so she can get a good dose of how things were for Sam (times three). As the older sister of a younger one that has gotten that free pass all her life, I'm still paying for it just because I'm the responsible one. This blog is where Sam can vent her feelings because if you can't vent how you feel somewhere you'll blow up from the inside. How is it right that Alex gets to direct her anger towards Sam after all she's done for her? If I were Laurie, I would have said no too.

Anonymous said...

I'm (kinda) with Shannon, too.

You did a fantastic thing, assuming care for your siblings. You had hard realities to deal with, and you dealt with them. Still, you hit rough patches in your adolescence, and luckily, had the support of adults you found around you to help you through (despite sometimes angry and irrational behavior).

Alex is young. She doesn't have the years with a loving mother to fortify her in hard times. She doesn't have a boyfriend who has stuck through her (generally) through thick and thin. Right now she is at odds with the only family she has, and despite the fact that she is (significantly) younger, her teenage anger is being reciprocated with what seems like ... Teenage anger. (You punched her??)

Getting out of your house this summer sounds like a fantastic plan. I know you cannot afford camp, but I would talk to Laurie and Alex and your counselor about whether, if Alex changes her behavior, something like that could work. It sounds like she is trying to extricate herself from a situation you all agree has become untenable. Maybe Laurie isn't the best option, but I would seriously think about finding her a way to get some space. It isn't an inappropriate thing to want.

Anonymous said...

Having dealt with a sort of (not completely) similar situation to yours--I have to come down on your side and I don't agree with Shannon. Like even slightly. What, every shitty, unwarranted, dramatically self pitying outburst is supposed to be met with gentle fortitude and taken completely seriously as a valid expression of...whatever? Please.

When people's behavior is unacceptable and shitty, they deserve for people to react to it as such. Otherwise--they learn that such expression is a valid way to treat other people. I've been reading this blog for probably four years and I've never gotten the feeling that you're an unreasonable bitch who treats people like shit. At worst you're a little rough around the edges sometimes because you had to do all your growing up yourself with not that much help. I also figure that most of what appears here is the venting that you have to do in order to be civil with people who are acting awful.

Your situation with Alex might still resolve. Mine did eventually and I didn't even have any money to send him somewhere else where he could act like a little shit not around me. It's not fun but you'll make it. So basically, vent away. And go Laurie.

Although, kudos to Shannon for using a name. At least she stands by her shit.

sam said...

7:10, there is NO WAY IN HELL that with Alex being such a huge bitch I would ever let her go stay at Laurie's. That is MY boyfriend's parents. That's MY relationship. She can go get her OWN boyfriend if she wants to impose on someone's parents (not really, but you know). I am not going to let her threaten a relationship that I have pours hours and hours of effort into cultivating. Also, she can not stay there because she can not be rewarded for her awful behavior. Staying there is a VACATION. Somebody makes and cleans up from your meals, somebody makes your bed, somebody does ALL the cleaning, ALL the laundry. Alex can not be trusted to be kind to their household staff right now. So no. It would be great if we could get a break from each other, and that is in the works, but it won't be with Alex jetting off to the penthouse on the UES with people waiting on her hand and foot.

Anonymous said...

"When people's behavior is unacceptable and shitty, they deserve for people to react to it as such. Otherwise--they learn that such expression is a valid way to treat other people." ---> Exactly. There were no bratty teenagers in my house when I was growing up because the extended family of adults had this attitude. There was no physical/verbal abuse, but an expectation of respect. I love them, they love me, and we're not taking shit from each other.

TKD said...

Sam, just be yourself. I think a lot of people forget that you don't write this blog for US, but for YOU. Keep on doing your thing, and thanks for graciously letting us into your world.

divaxbussitxbby said...

I didn't comment on the post where you hit her because all these cuddly ass adults were annoying me. I think they seem to forget that although you are Alex's guardian,you are not her parent. You are still her sister and have every right to treat her as such. When I was bitchy to my older sister growing up, I got it good, and now my little brother, 13, still gets "rewarded" for his shitty attitude. I'm glad Laurie said no. Alex is in no position to be spoiled right now. She needs to learn that when there is a problem in life, you talk about it and resolve it or move on. This has been going on long enough.

To all those that said that Alex lost a parent and that Sam should see where she's coming from, she does. Let's not forget that they all lost a parent and Sam stepped up at a young age, taking all responsibility, to raise them all despite her hardships. Sam could have left Dani and Alex with Aunt Elaine so that she could afford to pay her bills and eat bigger meals, so that she could work less hours and have more time to go work on her relationship with Josh, work on school, and have time with her friends. Sam, I commend you for being in my age group and doing all that you do (living in the city ain't cheap!). I look to your blog for inspiration because you truly are the definition of a super woman and I don't think all these women are seeing that.
As for the Alex problem, she should have to be fully dependent on herself until she grows up. Buy her own food, dishes, toilet paper, pay a small rent fee (my mom used to charge me $10 weekly and then give all it back during special occasions), so she can just get a glimpse of what you've been through. I'm glad that you're so strong because if she had knocked my dunkin outta my hands, she would have straightened up in a matter of 5 minutes.
Best of luck to you.
Btw Congrats on your graduation!

Nina said...

I'm totally baffled at all the judgmental comments here. Was it the "right" thing to hit Alex? of course not. But I dare anybody to say that they would do better in your situation. And if they would? well good for them, but not everyone is a saint.

Sam is not Alex's mother. She's taken on some parenting responsibilities but she is still her sister. She's still allowed to get pissed off. And I absolutely cannot believe that someone would pull the "your mom would be so disappointed in you" card. How can anyone think they have the right to invoke Sam's mother? God, get a hold of yourself.

Anyway Sam - you're obviously doing the best you can, which is pretty amazing as it is. And I know it's hard now...but I do believe it will get better. I'm glad Laurie supports you (and, by extension, Alex, because you're right - rewarding her right now seems like a bad idea).

JJ said...

She doesn't have the years with a loving mother to fortify her in hard times.

I just want to highlight this because I sense how hard it is for you to understand Alex's perspective in this conflict. I don't think that you have done anything wrong in trying to create a stable life for your sisters; in fact I think you have done the right thing 10,000 times over. But Alex has, functionally, no memory of having parents. Your early childhood was very stable and loving with your mom, even though you lost her too young, but Alex's early childhood was chaotic and frightening. As much as you did for her, you weren't able to be her parent. You were a great, amazing sister, but you weren't an adult who was able to provide her with the emotional stability she needed, and Aunt Elaine certainly didn't have SHIT going on in that department. As hard as it is to accept when you have done so much for Alex, it is possible that Alex will never have the emotional resources and maturity that you and Dani have. She might be ungrateful and shitty right now because she doesn't have the capability to be any other way. It might be time to shift from wanting Alex to see it your way to understanding that Alex isn't capable of seeing it your way and treating her as an at-risk young woman with needs you can't meet just by talking it out. Maybe she needs more intensive mental health support or a different school. I'm sorry this sucks so much.

Yankee, Transferred said...

In my opinion, and that's all any of this stuff is, Alex does need more professional support. I know you cannot make her go, but someone needs to guide her that way.

Her behavior, while not surprising to me given her life, is unacceptable and should not be rewarded. Have a great time in Europe. I'm sure Alex will grow up a lot while you're gone. Good luck and congratulations on your graduation!

Yankee, Transferred said...

...in re-reading my comment, I want to clarify: Alex's life could have been a hell of a lot worse. All I mean when i say "given her life" is the loss of her only parent at such a young age takes a different kind of toll (not harder or easier, just different) from the toll taken on you. She needs shrinkage.