Monday, September 30, 2013

I don't want to compete

On my first day of kindergarten I sat between my mother's legs as she did my hair. She told me there would be nice kids and mean kids, and sometimes the mean kids are louder and easier to notice but that just means I have to look harder for the nice kids. That I had a decision to make every single day, of whether I wanted to be a nice kid or a mean kid. Would people be seeking me out or trying to avoid me?

Last week one morning I was doing my hair before work and thought of that. Because all the bitchy people at work were getting me down. A manager at work asked me to get her a coffee and when I went in the kitchen it took me a while, to figure out how to use the machine. I felt So Stupid, So Poor, for not knowing how to use it.

Whenever I feel poor I feel alone. It's not being poor that makes you feel badly. It's feeling alone in the poorness that feels bad. The crazy thing is, I'm not poor now. I have a really good job. Every morning before I leave for work I have to remind myself of that. Any day now it will kick in.

The other people are not better than me. I am much luckier than so many other people. Money doesn't buy everything you need. In some ways I am much richer than other people. Over and over and over again.


Nina said...

Hang in there, Sam!

Lil'Sis said...

So true sister, keep on keeping on, it'll kick in.

Karen said...

Exactly right.

Hey, and the superrich don't know how to use that machine either, since their butler always made their coffee.

Lisa said...

You're so smart to realize that money doesn't equal riches. It's funny how we can know something intellectually but have to remind ourselves. I also sometimes stop and think, "I'm lucky."

That's great that you have a good job!