Thursday, March 13, 2014

Just die

I was super nervous going to work today. Josh referred to my boss as Head Camp Counselor - the kind of woman who wins Most School Spirit. On the way in, I came up with a strategy. It was, be super busy, too busy to chat. Kind of a lame plan, but it's all I could think of.

When I got there, nobody else had gotten in yet. But 30 seconds after I had gotten settled in and started working, my boss showed up. She was super enthusiastic about last night and seemed to want me to agree on how great it was. So I said it was fun getting drinks together and meeting her fiance. I wanted her to leave me alone so I could pretend to be super busy before Kiss-Ass got there. My iPod was charged and ready to go.

When Kiss-Ass arrived he tried to ask me questions and I kept saying I needed to get this done, our deadlines are quickly approaching, and he would back off and then start up again. When I went to the bathroom he met me outside the door (who does that?) and was like "Your boyfriend is really scary. Are you in an abusive relationship?"

Really?! You make obnoxious comments about MY body, and think it's Josh who is abusive? I think this is one of those guys who should just never, ever get to know anything at all about my personal life. If Josh were abusive I wouldn't be with him for such a long time. I'd certainly never let him around my sisters alone!

So I told him no. No, I am most certainly not in an abusive relationship. Now please leave me the hell alone and don't ever talk about me or my body to me or anyone else again. When I got home Josh asked me how it went. I just told him it was fine - if Josh knew about the abusive question, it would make him so angry. I feel like this whole thing needs to die.


Karen said...

What your team lead is thinking: She really prioritizes team building. She feels that if everyone can gel as a team then the team as a whole will be most effective in dealing with the client.

What kiss-ass is thinking: you are a vulnerable young woman who is so attractive he can't get his mind off of you.

What you can do: keep the interaction with kiss-ass as cold as you possibly can and limit any conversation to the work at hand. During team activities that the lead plans make sure you are surrounded by other team members who can be buffers for you and also witnesses to his inappropriate behavior. Do not drink with this man under any circumstance.

What you should tell your team lead: you might burst her bubble if you tell her you can't work with this guy - she will be anxious about her team building skills. She does need to know about his inappropriate behavior and comments though. I'd suggest telling her that he has made inappropriate comments to your boyfriend and also followed you to the bathroom, and that you're concerned that he is too distracted to do his work well. YOU'RE doing just fine and REALLY enjoying the assignment and you REALLY APPRECIATE her efforts to increase team spirit. Suggest that he be moved to another team? Get another task that keeps him away from you?

Essentially my advice is to increase your team lead's appreciation of your work by complimenting her on her priorities, even if you resent her social activities. She is trying to accomplish something important and I'm sure there's a piece of that you do like and can honestly say good things about. If she believes you like her and appreciate her efforts, she will be more likely to back you up. This is not kissing ass. This is building trust between you and your direct supervisor.

Nina said...

Echoing Karen. You need to report him to your supervisor because he's acting totally inappropriate and (god forbid) he escalates the harassment, you need to have already established what's happening. Also, try to document every even borderline inappropriate interaction he has with you, just in case. What a creepy asshole.

Anonymous said...

I am a CPA, and used to work for one of the Big 4 firms, which I'm assuming is where you are. They are all largely structured the same and the hierarchy can be difficult to explain. Been there.

Absolutely, you need to report him, but not necessarily to this supervisor, since you likely only work for her on this client. Not sure what level she is, but if she's at the client with you every day, she's likely not that much more than a couple of years above you. I would suggest talking either to HR or your mentor or the partner if you're comfortable, who would be better equipped to help you and to deal with this guy, and ensure that you don't get staffed with him again.

Kizz Robinson said...

Agree with everyone here. Documentation is absolutely key. The thing you need to understand in yourself but not necessarily say in your reporting is that everything Kiss Ass is doing is because he either perceives you to be weaker and of less value than he is or because he wants you to think those things. By reporting his actions and by doing your work well you prove him wrong on every level.

Anonymous said...

You should report him to hr. Check your company's policy regarding harassment.