Thursday, February 24, 2011

Me talk pretty today

Josh's friend's girlfriend called a few more times after that initial phone call where she planted the seeds of doubt. It was hard to not wonder if maybe she wanted me to be anxious because she was anxious. Company in her misery and all that?

When Josh goes on trips, after he comes back he immediately sits down and tells us all about them. He goes through each day, and lists all the highs and lows. "... then on Tuesday we got room service before heading out. Usually we leave our dirty dishes on the floor outside our hotel room door but that morning we left them in front of the door of our neighbors who woke up really early and were way too loud..." Josh did this Monday night, sitting across from me and my sisters as we were all lined up on the couch. He left out a few parts, like the stuff going on with that girl, when I called all paranoid, and when he and his friends discussed dumping her.

But after we sent my sisters off to bed Josh and I talked about it a lot. We went into the kitchen, and while I made chocolate pudding and whipped cream, we talked. We went into the bathroom, and while Josh showered off the ski sweat and boy sweat, I sat on the vanity and we talked. Somehow, since my mother died, I have not had a lot of girlfriends. Which means in all the boyfriend years I've missed out on girl perspective. Except the one that comes from someone three years behind me.

Sadly, Josh had to struggle through explaining what I should have picked up myself. About jealousy. About insecurity. About drama. About how boys feel about all these things. Turns out I have equated baggage with drama. Which means I have been thinking, all these years, that I am high-drama. Turns out I have been wrong. Apparently one of the things Josh likes best about me is that I am low drama. He explained that nothing ever phases me. He suggested I have had enough to last me a lifetime and that is why where other people would flip out, I stay calm. Who knew?

I sat Indian-style on the bed, watching Josh unpack (which pretty much consisted of him taking a laundry bag full of dirty clothing out of his suitcase, and dumping it on the floor) while we talked. I let Josh know I'd rather he dump me than cheat on me. If he wants to cheat on me, just say something, so I can walk away. I begged him to promise me, even though we had this talk ages ago, the summer after I graduated.

After a couple of hours, I felt a little better. Shrugging his shoulders, Josh gave me a funny look. "What's going to convince you and make you feel better Sammers?" Well yeah. After we had sex I felt better. When I told Josh he laughed, and teased me that's a boy way of doing things.

I don't care if it's a penguin way of doing things. What I do care about is being over a little insanity vacation. And knowing I can lose the directions for how to ever go there again.


Isabel said...

I'm glad that you've found some peace with the situation. You have a good head on your shoulders...emotions complicate things, but really, you have to look at your relationship as objectively as possible. The guy's just devoted to you. You are lucky in that regard, as is he! You are both open communicators, and that will always serve you well in your relationship. Unlike that ho.

Yankee, Transferred said...

I agree. Josh is clearly open and devoted-a really nice combination. You seem very low drama from this viewpoint.
I'm happy you have each other.
Keep having fun. You deserve it.