- From hanging out with Josh I've learned a lot about how to be fancy. I don't feel like throwing up every time his parents are around any more. You can use any of the towels in the bathrooms and nothing in the bathroom is food, it's either decoration or soap.
- I hate chipped nail polish and think it looks messy on me and other people.
- Even though my sisters don't read this I try not to write anything that would embarrass them.
- Now I will though - Alex has a crush on my shrink Craig. He's not hot at all. We have to work on her taste.
- I don't understand how this stimulus package thing will help me. Will it make grocery prices go down?
- We have taken to eating oatmeal with fruit for dinner at least twice a week, and are taking iron supplements (not Alex) instead of eating meat because it's way less expensive. We used to eat meat like twice a week but now it's more like once every other week.
- In the background of whatever is going on I am always thinking about money and mentally reorganizing the bills in order of how soon they need to be paid.
- There are major drafts in the walls here and it's way dry. The three of us wake up cold, with sore throats every morning.
- We have a list of toys and games we want to get when we move out, have more space and nobody will yell at us for taking up so much room.
- I am really scared about moving out and being totally in charge of Dani and Alex. Because what if they won't listen to me? Or what if Aunt Elaine helps in some way I don't notice now and next year I won't be able to do whatever she does?
- My mom broke my finger once. She was in a really bad mood and slammed a cabinet door and didn't notice my hand there before it was too late. It was first thing in the morning and she felt so awful that after we left the doctor's office she took me out for cake and ice cream. She kissed my finger every night the splint thing was on.
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
The Highest Compliment
Danielle went to school today and came home with a boyfriend. I mean, not like literally because we don't bring anybody home, but she got asked out today and everything.
During dinner we were talking about the boyfriend and Alex said when she has one she wants him to be exactly like Josh but younger.
When I told Josh tonight he said Alex is definitely getting a present for Valentine's Day for that compliment.
During dinner we were talking about the boyfriend and Alex said when she has one she wants him to be exactly like Josh but younger.
When I told Josh tonight he said Alex is definitely getting a present for Valentine's Day for that compliment.
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
A Grownup Man Asked Me Out Today
He came in with his wife and a baby before the dinner rush, but his wife got a phone call and he waited in the lobby for her while she talked outside. He seemed perfectly nice, and I was playing with his baby a little bit.
During their meal it got busy and I was flying all around pushing tables together and making sure tables were being turned over quickly so new people could get seated. I wasn't really paying attention to them, but when they left I was at the register. The woman went out with the baby while he paid and he asked if he could give his tip to me, meaning for me to keep, and I purposely let him think I misunderstood, saying, "Sure, I will totally make sure Shari gets it!"
Then he told me I was cute and he'd like to see me again. He looked like he whitens his teeth. Again I pretended not to understand and replied, "Well, I put in a lot of hours so if you come back for dinner I'm sure we'll run into each other." When I handed him his credit card back he took my hand and held it instead of taking the card.
"Call me. I'll take you out to a nicer place than this." With his other hand he pulled out a business card. He put that on the counter, then took his credit card and left.
What is with these people? OLD MEN ARE GROSS! MARRIED MEN ARE GROSS! FATHERS ARE GROSS!
Obviously I threw his business card out.
During their meal it got busy and I was flying all around pushing tables together and making sure tables were being turned over quickly so new people could get seated. I wasn't really paying attention to them, but when they left I was at the register. The woman went out with the baby while he paid and he asked if he could give his tip to me, meaning for me to keep, and I purposely let him think I misunderstood, saying, "Sure, I will totally make sure Shari gets it!"
Then he told me I was cute and he'd like to see me again. He looked like he whitens his teeth. Again I pretended not to understand and replied, "Well, I put in a lot of hours so if you come back for dinner I'm sure we'll run into each other." When I handed him his credit card back he took my hand and held it instead of taking the card.
"Call me. I'll take you out to a nicer place than this." With his other hand he pulled out a business card. He put that on the counter, then took his credit card and left.
What is with these people? OLD MEN ARE GROSS! MARRIED MEN ARE GROSS! FATHERS ARE GROSS!
Obviously I threw his business card out.
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Self Defense
Topher always told me that if anyone ever gave me a hard time I should kick them in the balls and run. That's what he taught Danielle too. So that's what we've taught Alex.
When it seems safe we try to make Alex go places by herself. Like to school. You can't be in 7th grade and always need somebody with you. Getting in and out of our apartment isn't too safe and walking to the corner store isn't either. Most everything else is pretty okay. But especially since Alex got jumped she's been scared and always wants someone with her.
Today when I was finishing work Alex showed up. Danielle had sent her a little early though so I told Alex to go to the drugstore to pick up cough medicine. I left the diner before Alex had gotten back so I walked towards the drugstore.
She was standing on the sidewalk talking to a guy about ten feet away. I kept walking until I could hear what they were saying. He was saying really gross things to Alex and blocking the sidewalk so she couldn't walk past him. There were too many cars parked for her to step into the gutter.
I watched from across the street. The more he talked, the more Alex blushed. Finally I heard her say really forcefully, "If you don't stop it, I'm going to have to kick you in the balls." The guy stared at her and then started laughing. He leaned against the fence and bent over holding his stomach laughing so hard. Alex ran past him and then she saw me.
"What was so funny? I totally was getting ready to kick him in the balls!"
When it seems safe we try to make Alex go places by herself. Like to school. You can't be in 7th grade and always need somebody with you. Getting in and out of our apartment isn't too safe and walking to the corner store isn't either. Most everything else is pretty okay. But especially since Alex got jumped she's been scared and always wants someone with her.
Today when I was finishing work Alex showed up. Danielle had sent her a little early though so I told Alex to go to the drugstore to pick up cough medicine. I left the diner before Alex had gotten back so I walked towards the drugstore.
She was standing on the sidewalk talking to a guy about ten feet away. I kept walking until I could hear what they were saying. He was saying really gross things to Alex and blocking the sidewalk so she couldn't walk past him. There were too many cars parked for her to step into the gutter.
I watched from across the street. The more he talked, the more Alex blushed. Finally I heard her say really forcefully, "If you don't stop it, I'm going to have to kick you in the balls." The guy stared at her and then started laughing. He leaned against the fence and bent over holding his stomach laughing so hard. Alex ran past him and then she saw me.
"What was so funny? I totally was getting ready to kick him in the balls!"
Friday, January 23, 2009
Being Responsible is Like Really Hard
Not even kidding, every responsible thing I've tried to do this week hasn't worked. I messed up paying bills. One of them I paid twice. Each time I try to call them to see if they will just rip up one of the checks, they put me on hold for too long and I have to hang up. If it were up to me all the bills would get paid online. That seems like such an easier way to do things. Faster too. Now because two checks went out in case they deposit both I can't write checks for other bills because they would bounce. Twice I asked Aunt Elaine to call but both times she said since I made the mistake it is up to me to fix. Craig and a guy at work both said the company will probably just put a credit on the account and it's like having paid for next month's bill in advance.
I tried to go get better birth control. It's like every time I turn around another friend announces being pregnant. Josh came with me, I talked to the doctor, and he kept cutting me off and then said he would write me a prescription for Mirena. When I looked that up though it said it's for people who have already had a baby! I tried to talk to the doctor about that and he was like, totally not hearing me. Josh said maybe the drug company gives him free stuff if he gets people to take it so that's why the doctor was trying to talk me into it.
Because of screwing up the bills we haven't gone food shopping this week. We got milk and some fruit but that's all. Now all three of us (I don't count Aunt Elaine because she eats very unhealthy all the time anyway) have been eating terribly all week. Like so terribly Alex skipped dinner tonight and said her belly hurt. I hope I am not killing her with all the unbalanced meals we've been eating this week.
There is more but I am too tired and all this talk of messing up makes me want to cry.
I tried to go get better birth control. It's like every time I turn around another friend announces being pregnant. Josh came with me, I talked to the doctor, and he kept cutting me off and then said he would write me a prescription for Mirena. When I looked that up though it said it's for people who have already had a baby! I tried to talk to the doctor about that and he was like, totally not hearing me. Josh said maybe the drug company gives him free stuff if he gets people to take it so that's why the doctor was trying to talk me into it.
Because of screwing up the bills we haven't gone food shopping this week. We got milk and some fruit but that's all. Now all three of us (I don't count Aunt Elaine because she eats very unhealthy all the time anyway) have been eating terribly all week. Like so terribly Alex skipped dinner tonight and said her belly hurt. I hope I am not killing her with all the unbalanced meals we've been eating this week.
There is more but I am too tired and all this talk of messing up makes me want to cry.
Monday, January 19, 2009
Survey This
Alex doesn't really remember what she's missing. She will sometimes smell something and say it reminds her, but mostly I think she remembers me and Danielle telling mommy stories, not the actual times when those stories became memories for us. I decided it hurts me more, because I remember how it used to be, how good it was, how far we've fallen. As far as Alex is concerned, this way is the only way. She has a very hard time sleeping in a room by herself, because she's never done it.
Dani remembers because she was like my little puppy. She followed me everywhere, to the point that I tripped over her sometimes. She knew to keep her mouth shut and eyes open, wasn't annoying, and so I didn't mind her always being there. Danielle is the person you want around when you've lost your keys, because she is always so observant. Danielle can't always think of the memories I can but if I remind her she usually remembers. Like when I made soup and used all four burners on the stove because we don't have a stock pot and I had to use four little pots instead.
Dani wandered into the kitchen, looked at the stove and said, "Didn't Mama do this once?" She did. We had a leak once in Brooklyn and Mama put the stock pot on the floor to catch the leak while we waited for the plumber. But Topher was sick and she wanted to make soup for him so she used smaller pots and all four burners.
Alex had a birthday party (for a sixth grader) at Chelsea Piers yesterday so we went into the city. Afterwards, we were waiting for the bus and a little girl came up to us. She looked around seven and had silver nailpolish that was chipped. She told Alex she was doing a survey and could she ask a question. I hate this shit - I don't want to talk to random strangers on the street, even if they're wearing stupid Hannah Montana sneakers. But Alex is all open and friendly and thinks everyone is a potential friend, so she said yes.
"Who do you love more, your mommy or your daddy?"
Are you fucking kidding me? But Alex didn't get angry. "I don't have a dad and my mom died a long time ago." The girl looked at her chart. "You have to pick one of them. Or I have a spot for both if you love them equally."
"You're not from here, are you?" I asked her. She shook her head. Told me she lives outside Philly and is on vacation. "Yeah, so don't they have any gay or lesbian parents in Philly? What about the kids who have two moms or two dads?"
The girl looked at her chart again. Then turned to her mother who was waiting (outside, in the freezing cold) like across the sidewalk. The mother comes over smiling, with her face all open. You can tell this mother will make the girl write about how she did something different on a vacation by taking a survey in New York City.
The girl told on me to her mother. "She said we don't have a spot for gay moms and dads." The mother blinked a lot at her daughter. Alex defended me by telling on the girl. "She doesn't have a spot for people who don't have parents."
I pulled Alex's jacket. "I think she's having a seizure because we overloaded them on their special city experience." The mother finally got her blinking under control and took her daughter's hand. "Well, good luck with that!" she told us. They turned to walk away.
"We don't need luck," Alex responded. She waved her hand around. "We have ... US." The mother was still dragging the Hannah Montana girl away while she complained that she'd already counted Alex and now her survey would be messed up.
When we got home Alex was excited for Dani to get back from work to tell her what had happened. Danielle pointed out the girl's survey was terrible, that she left out kids who only lived with one parent, or kids who lived with another relative. Some people are so closed minded and stupid.
Dani remembers because she was like my little puppy. She followed me everywhere, to the point that I tripped over her sometimes. She knew to keep her mouth shut and eyes open, wasn't annoying, and so I didn't mind her always being there. Danielle is the person you want around when you've lost your keys, because she is always so observant. Danielle can't always think of the memories I can but if I remind her she usually remembers. Like when I made soup and used all four burners on the stove because we don't have a stock pot and I had to use four little pots instead.
Dani wandered into the kitchen, looked at the stove and said, "Didn't Mama do this once?" She did. We had a leak once in Brooklyn and Mama put the stock pot on the floor to catch the leak while we waited for the plumber. But Topher was sick and she wanted to make soup for him so she used smaller pots and all four burners.
Alex had a birthday party (for a sixth grader) at Chelsea Piers yesterday so we went into the city. Afterwards, we were waiting for the bus and a little girl came up to us. She looked around seven and had silver nailpolish that was chipped. She told Alex she was doing a survey and could she ask a question. I hate this shit - I don't want to talk to random strangers on the street, even if they're wearing stupid Hannah Montana sneakers. But Alex is all open and friendly and thinks everyone is a potential friend, so she said yes.
"Who do you love more, your mommy or your daddy?"
Are you fucking kidding me? But Alex didn't get angry. "I don't have a dad and my mom died a long time ago." The girl looked at her chart. "You have to pick one of them. Or I have a spot for both if you love them equally."
"You're not from here, are you?" I asked her. She shook her head. Told me she lives outside Philly and is on vacation. "Yeah, so don't they have any gay or lesbian parents in Philly? What about the kids who have two moms or two dads?"
The girl looked at her chart again. Then turned to her mother who was waiting (outside, in the freezing cold) like across the sidewalk. The mother comes over smiling, with her face all open. You can tell this mother will make the girl write about how she did something different on a vacation by taking a survey in New York City.
The girl told on me to her mother. "She said we don't have a spot for gay moms and dads." The mother blinked a lot at her daughter. Alex defended me by telling on the girl. "She doesn't have a spot for people who don't have parents."
I pulled Alex's jacket. "I think she's having a seizure because we overloaded them on their special city experience." The mother finally got her blinking under control and took her daughter's hand. "Well, good luck with that!" she told us. They turned to walk away.
"We don't need luck," Alex responded. She waved her hand around. "We have ... US." The mother was still dragging the Hannah Montana girl away while she complained that she'd already counted Alex and now her survey would be messed up.
When we got home Alex was excited for Dani to get back from work to tell her what had happened. Danielle pointed out the girl's survey was terrible, that she left out kids who only lived with one parent, or kids who lived with another relative. Some people are so closed minded and stupid.
Saturday, January 17, 2009
Late Night Panic
Like on a totally intellectual level, I know that we have eight months and should just enjoy the time together. On a base feeling level, I feel such a high level of panic over what's going to happen when we graduate.
Right now I should be sleeping. Josh waited for me to finish working and then we left the diner and went to a "real" restaurant for a late dinner like grownups. We went to see Milk and met up with friends at the movie theater and then went to a party. I didn't know the guy's house the party was at. There were bowls of pills, like M&Ms, all over the house. All different pills, and they were pretty.
We were going to stop and get hot chocolates but there were cops in the donut shop and we were a little drunk so just kept walking. I feel wired and hyper and want to shake Josh awake and ask him what's going to happen in August. If we're going to break up I'll deal with it. I just want to know.
I don't know how to envision college and life when I'm in college if I don't know whether or not Josh will be around. Should I plan on needing to replace the sweatshirt of his that I have now? I hate not knowing.
Walking around the house seems like a good idea right now. Like it would prevent me from waking Josh to ask him questions he probably doesn't want to answer. Except his parents would wake up and want to talk to me. I can't deal with parents right now.
Right now I should be sleeping. Josh waited for me to finish working and then we left the diner and went to a "real" restaurant for a late dinner like grownups. We went to see Milk and met up with friends at the movie theater and then went to a party. I didn't know the guy's house the party was at. There were bowls of pills, like M&Ms, all over the house. All different pills, and they were pretty.
We were going to stop and get hot chocolates but there were cops in the donut shop and we were a little drunk so just kept walking. I feel wired and hyper and want to shake Josh awake and ask him what's going to happen in August. If we're going to break up I'll deal with it. I just want to know.
I don't know how to envision college and life when I'm in college if I don't know whether or not Josh will be around. Should I plan on needing to replace the sweatshirt of his that I have now? I hate not knowing.
Walking around the house seems like a good idea right now. Like it would prevent me from waking Josh to ask him questions he probably doesn't want to answer. Except his parents would wake up and want to talk to me. I can't deal with parents right now.
Friday, January 16, 2009
No More Plane Problems
Dear World,
If you don't stop having big problems with planes that make the news then I'm never going to fly anywhere. Even though nobody died and one woman "just" has two broken legs, that's still too scary and big.
You are a multi-ton machine that can carry thousands of pounds. So how can you possibly not be able to swat an incoming bird out of your way?
If I don't ever fly anywhere how will I ever get further than New Jersey? Then how will I ever become well-rounded and worldly? How will I contribute to breaking the image of obnoxious Americans who never leave the country? If by the age of 25 I haven't flown anywhere is there some sort of scarlet letter I'll have to wear? A fag bag, high-waisted acid-washed jeans and bright white sneakers?
Craig would probably say something deep and introspective if I told him that every time I sleep over with Josh I always have one huge nightmare and then after that sleep really hard through the night.
If you don't stop having big problems with planes that make the news then I'm never going to fly anywhere. Even though nobody died and one woman "just" has two broken legs, that's still too scary and big.
You are a multi-ton machine that can carry thousands of pounds. So how can you possibly not be able to swat an incoming bird out of your way?
If I don't ever fly anywhere how will I ever get further than New Jersey? Then how will I ever become well-rounded and worldly? How will I contribute to breaking the image of obnoxious Americans who never leave the country? If by the age of 25 I haven't flown anywhere is there some sort of scarlet letter I'll have to wear? A fag bag, high-waisted acid-washed jeans and bright white sneakers?
Craig would probably say something deep and introspective if I told him that every time I sleep over with Josh I always have one huge nightmare and then after that sleep really hard through the night.
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Pantsed
After spending so much time being sick and not eating, Alex has lost some weight. Josh pointed it out to me over the weekend, and I could see it in her face. While Alex was making dinner tonight she told me that a boy came up to her in the hallway today. He said that he wouldn't do it, but she should know he could totally pants her.
Danielle was setting the table and overheard Alex. She walked up behind her, yanked down her jeans and said, "Yep, he totally could have."
Ahhh, Family Moments
Moment #1.
American Idol was on and Alex watched with Aunt Elaine. The only way to bond with her is to watch whatever she wants to watch. There was a girl auditioning in a bikini. Alex said, "Why is she wearing that?" Aunt Elaine told her "Because she can." Way to give an 11 year old a good self image, thanks so much.
Moment #2.
After school I had work. Then dinner and homework. I have a headache and when I finished washing dishes and went to leave the kitchen I got dizzy. When Aunt Elaine saw me standing there she asked why. Told her I have a headache. Her loving response? "You better not be getting sick, it's been bad enough with them."
Moment #3.
Since we moved in I can't remember Aunt Elaine EVER cooking for us. She must have, right? Fifth grade. But I can't think of anything she ever cooked. She used to go food shopping. Our first fight was when I made a food shopping list and wrote which brands we ate, instead of just the types of food. She used to prepare little things like sandwiches for herself. I remember cutting up fruit for fruit salad and Aunt Elaine telling me to watch my fingers, and Danielle saying the knife was bigger than my face and us laughing.
Tonight Danielle made dinner. She just made salads with chicken in them. Left one wrapped in the refrigerator for me. Aunt Elaine complained about it. Said she doesn't want Dani making dinners if this is what she's going to try to pass off as a meal. IT'S MORE THAN YOU DO, YOU LAZY BITCH!
American Idol was on and Alex watched with Aunt Elaine. The only way to bond with her is to watch whatever she wants to watch. There was a girl auditioning in a bikini. Alex said, "Why is she wearing that?" Aunt Elaine told her "Because she can." Way to give an 11 year old a good self image, thanks so much.
Moment #2.
After school I had work. Then dinner and homework. I have a headache and when I finished washing dishes and went to leave the kitchen I got dizzy. When Aunt Elaine saw me standing there she asked why. Told her I have a headache. Her loving response? "You better not be getting sick, it's been bad enough with them."
Moment #3.
Since we moved in I can't remember Aunt Elaine EVER cooking for us. She must have, right? Fifth grade. But I can't think of anything she ever cooked. She used to go food shopping. Our first fight was when I made a food shopping list and wrote which brands we ate, instead of just the types of food. She used to prepare little things like sandwiches for herself. I remember cutting up fruit for fruit salad and Aunt Elaine telling me to watch my fingers, and Danielle saying the knife was bigger than my face and us laughing.
Tonight Danielle made dinner. She just made salads with chicken in them. Left one wrapped in the refrigerator for me. Aunt Elaine complained about it. Said she doesn't want Dani making dinners if this is what she's going to try to pass off as a meal. IT'S MORE THAN YOU DO, YOU LAZY BITCH!
Monday, January 12, 2009
Josh Issues
I had shrinking tonight and Craig and I were talking about how it is for my sisters to spend time with Josh without me being there. Craig asked how I think it affects Danielle and Alex to spend the weekend with Josh.
Alex loves it. She loves the attention, loves being fussed over. She tried to sleep in Josh's room. But the thing with Alex is that she loves attention from anyone. I think Al knows she's supposed to be into boys, but really isn't yet. Alex just loves Josh because he's nice to her and I like him.
Danielle is happy with the attention but embarrassed that she likes it. Josh even said something to me - that he felt like he was making her uncomfortable when I was at work. Then he asked if I was mad at him. Like it was his fault or something. I get Dani, and it's just kind of weird. I can't think of anything I, or either of them can do to make it better.
Craig said that he would feel more comfortable if I did not leave Dani and Alex with Josh when I worked. I told him it's too hard to make everyone comfortable.
I just want to point out that Aunt Elaine never asked where we were. All three of us left Friday and didn't come back until Sunday night and she never called or asked after we came back where we'd been.
Alex loves it. She loves the attention, loves being fussed over. She tried to sleep in Josh's room. But the thing with Alex is that she loves attention from anyone. I think Al knows she's supposed to be into boys, but really isn't yet. Alex just loves Josh because he's nice to her and I like him.
Danielle is happy with the attention but embarrassed that she likes it. Josh even said something to me - that he felt like he was making her uncomfortable when I was at work. Then he asked if I was mad at him. Like it was his fault or something. I get Dani, and it's just kind of weird. I can't think of anything I, or either of them can do to make it better.
Craig said that he would feel more comfortable if I did not leave Dani and Alex with Josh when I worked. I told him it's too hard to make everyone comfortable.
I just want to point out that Aunt Elaine never asked where we were. All three of us left Friday and didn't come back until Sunday night and she never called or asked after we came back where we'd been.
Sunday, January 11, 2009
It's a Magic House
Guess who isn't sick any more? 48 hours at Josh's house with lots of sleep, no smoke, amazing food, calmness and three healthy girls.
Josh was so sweet, he went food shopping Friday after school and bought all kinds of healthy food he thought we would like (some of it we hadn't heard of, like whole wheat cous cous and organic pancake batter mix). He got bubble bath and put candles around the bathtub.
This morning Danielle even felt better enough that she went to her bagel job. While I took a nap Josh baked brownies with Alex. That is such a good smell to wake up to. You can NOT wake up in a bad mood when you wake up to smelling brownies.
I love going on vacation. Best weekend ever.
Josh was so sweet, he went food shopping Friday after school and bought all kinds of healthy food he thought we would like (some of it we hadn't heard of, like whole wheat cous cous and organic pancake batter mix). He got bubble bath and put candles around the bathtub.
This morning Danielle even felt better enough that she went to her bagel job. While I took a nap Josh baked brownies with Alex. That is such a good smell to wake up to. You can NOT wake up in a bad mood when you wake up to smelling brownies.
I love going on vacation. Best weekend ever.
Friday, January 9, 2009
Back to Basics
Dear Mama,
I miss you a lot this week. I got my period yesterday and am feeling anemic. Have not gone to shrinking in two weeks - first because of the holidays and then because of everyone here being sick there hasn't been time. So I am feeling a little bit sick in the head lately.
Josh's parents are going out of town this weekend and I asked if I can bring Alex and Dani over for the weekend. Maybe they will get better if they're not in a smokey house. So even though I made out with another boy and we have been kind of awkward since, Josh was so nice and not only said yes but that he will send a taxi over for them. Josh deserves a better girlfriend than me. Sometimes I cannot understand why he likes me instead of somebody else.
Last night after I got home from work I made chicken soup and left it cooking on the stove through the night like you used to do. It came out okay but not as good as yours always did.
Please come visit me in a dream when I go to sleep. I am missing you so much that it is making my chest hurt. I need your hugs and for you to play with my hair. Okay thank you. Give Nana and Topher hugs for me.
Love,
Sam
I miss you a lot this week. I got my period yesterday and am feeling anemic. Have not gone to shrinking in two weeks - first because of the holidays and then because of everyone here being sick there hasn't been time. So I am feeling a little bit sick in the head lately.
Josh's parents are going out of town this weekend and I asked if I can bring Alex and Dani over for the weekend. Maybe they will get better if they're not in a smokey house. So even though I made out with another boy and we have been kind of awkward since, Josh was so nice and not only said yes but that he will send a taxi over for them. Josh deserves a better girlfriend than me. Sometimes I cannot understand why he likes me instead of somebody else.
Last night after I got home from work I made chicken soup and left it cooking on the stove through the night like you used to do. It came out okay but not as good as yours always did.
Please come visit me in a dream when I go to sleep. I am missing you so much that it is making my chest hurt. I need your hugs and for you to play with my hair. Okay thank you. Give Nana and Topher hugs for me.
Love,
Sam
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Our House Even Smells Like Sick
I don't know exactly what that smells like, but it definitely smells sick in here. Alex is better. Not all the way, not by a long shot, but she's better enough to drag herself through school and then run a couple of errands before going to bed at 7pm each night. I have done a lot of seventh grade homework lately.
Aunt Elaine is still sick and every time she coughs her face turns bright red. She coughs so hard that I would really not be surprised if a lung falls out of her mouth and goes plop on the floor.
Danielle is still not better. Every morning I ask if she wants me to make her breakfast. Every morning she says no. Every day I cut my last period and race home to make Dani some food before I go to work. Alex is not allowed to go to sleep until they've both eaten and drank. I have done a lot of ninth grade homework lately.
Any day now I expect to wake up sick. Who is going to do MY homework?
Aunt Elaine is still sick and every time she coughs her face turns bright red. She coughs so hard that I would really not be surprised if a lung falls out of her mouth and goes plop on the floor.
Danielle is still not better. Every morning I ask if she wants me to make her breakfast. Every morning she says no. Every day I cut my last period and race home to make Dani some food before I go to work. Alex is not allowed to go to sleep until they've both eaten and drank. I have done a lot of ninth grade homework lately.
Any day now I expect to wake up sick. Who is going to do MY homework?
Saturday, January 3, 2009
It Could Be Worse
Everyone is sick besides me. Which means it's only a matter of time until I go down too. Which means I've been trying to work my job and Danielle's job at the same time so neither of us lose our jobs. While I run home to take care of everybody. Alex has not worn clothes in three days. I think she'd go out of the house in her underwear if she had the energy for things like standing and walking.
Danielle lost her voice two days after Christmas and still hasn't found it. Aunt Elaine hasn't left her bedroom in over a week. Not even to go sit in the living room.
There are three eggs left. All the food I eat comes from the diner or bagel shop. All the food in the house is from there too right now. I have a mild concussion from Danielle throwing things at my head for attention because she can't talk.
We are not doing well. To top it all off there is no fire family dinner tomorrow. On one hand I'm glad because I would be sad canceling but on the other hand it sucks because I need a break and you can always count on really good food.
Danielle lost her voice two days after Christmas and still hasn't found it. Aunt Elaine hasn't left her bedroom in over a week. Not even to go sit in the living room.
There are three eggs left. All the food I eat comes from the diner or bagel shop. All the food in the house is from there too right now. I have a mild concussion from Danielle throwing things at my head for attention because she can't talk.
We are not doing well. To top it all off there is no fire family dinner tomorrow. On one hand I'm glad because I would be sad canceling but on the other hand it sucks because I need a break and you can always count on really good food.
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